Faves So Far

Creepy/Gross

Old Mrs. Stephens
filled her dog with potpourri
weeks after he died.

I can't fall asleep.
Oak eyes stare, evil knots grin.
The walls are watching.

Abandoned baby
befriends maggot family
in local dumpster.

Mr. Underbed:
He always eats their toes first.
This way, they can't run.

Morning. Where am I?
I can't seem to find my clothes.
Or my arms and legs.

Tentacled menace
creeps down the backstairs and waits.
The girl drifts to sleep.

When grandfather died,
the old books went to wee Tim.
Shame they did not burn.

Brown hairy spider
crawls inside dreaming boy’s mouth.
Lay a thousand eggs.

Thick beard, crooked teeth,
malice enough for murder
and he's not yet six..

Funny

He keeps some loose change
behind his bloodshot eyeballs
Convenient. Jangly.

New merry-go-round.
Indian burial ground.
That's just bad planning.

Not suprisingly,
the eulogist's erection
caused a comotion.

Pity a plumber.
The bulimic cannibal's
toilet broke again.

Oxygen masks fall.
People cry and pray aloud.
Won’t finish Shark Tale.

Awake now, but where?
Dark, cramped...my favorite suit?
This doesn't look good.

This gorgeous white gown…
Nice guys carry me uphill…
Wait...is that lava?

No date for the prom.
Found ancient jar in basement.
Unleash scourge on school.

Dirty

You can have hot sex
without setting her on fire.
But that's not for me.

Tears of joy stream down.
Finally she’s a woman.
The wolves smell her blood.

It came from the wood...
stunk up town, ate all the pets,
and nailed our drunk mom. (aka if ET were directed by Peckinpah)

An English boy asks,
“What’s in my granny’s knickers?”
She’s asleep. He peeks…

She does such nice things
for small pieces of candy.
I’m a lucky man.